He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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