I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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