She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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