So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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