I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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