plz talk dirty to me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
