Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
