i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
