Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
