WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
