Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
