i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
