Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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