Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
