You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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