My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
