also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
