Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
