i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize