It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
