I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
