Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this just has baby written all over it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
