I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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