this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
