Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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