Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
