i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
wow bdsm is so cute
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
