Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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