You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
