you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
