My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
