I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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