Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone signed my nipple.
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