the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize