Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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