just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
