i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
