Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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