Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
