I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize