Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
