There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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