I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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