oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
