I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
