i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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