what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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