We named our party play list daddy issues
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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