"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
