I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
