what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
