I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
