And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
