he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
