This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
