My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
