please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
