She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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