her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
