11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize