remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
