please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
