i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
