Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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