Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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