my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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