too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
