When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
