I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
