I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The adults are the big ones right?
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