Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize