Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
