Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
