you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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