I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize