READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
